by Joshua Kahn
Ohio prosecutor Michael Gmoser has filed an indictment against groundhog-prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil, accusing the varmint of purposely misrepresenting an early spring. The charges are extremely serious and carry a potential death penalty.
The prosecution’s case is likely to rest on the groundhog’s purported “incapab[ility] of error” which, the prosecution will say, shows his clearly erroneous prediction was an intentional misrepresentation.
We here at Georgia State believe it is critical that the voiceless be given their day in court, and are therefore asking students to help us draft an amicus curiae brief in the case on behalf of Georgia groundhog—and holder of an honorary doctorate from GSU—General Beauregard Lee.
General “Beau” Lee seeks to argue his Yankee colleague simply is not very accurate, that Punxsutawney Phil’s most recent wrong prediction was just another in a long series of mistakes, and, therefore, he should be spared a grisly demise at the hands of overzealous prosecutors.
Beau is also willing to offer expert testimony that his predictions are more accurate than “cousin” Phil’s.
Any interested students should contact the library staff.